Raw

Pure, raw, unadulterated honesty. I know that I am only human and part of me wants to control all the situations I find myself in. My ego wants to believe that I have it all figured out or that I can figure it all out. I know that I'm not perfect and have a lot to learn. I have yet to become the person I think I want to be. I have yet to figure out exactly why I incarnated into this earth reality once again. I have some idea why,  some vague sensation of something far greater than I can comprehend at this moment in time. There is a specific path I find myself on again. I had gotten away from this path and now things are coming around full circle. I just want to lay it all out on the table and share this raw food for thought.

My heart aches sometimes for things I don't understand, my head hurts for reasons beyond common sense and my eyes see things there are no words to describe. I have this longing to express something I can't quite put my finger on. I just want to be true, to live true, to learn and speak the truth. Yet I ponder if the truth is even acceptable, if my truth is acceptable and if it's even a good thing to share during my quest for it. I guess because what I believed to be true and what I believe is truth is fluid and changing. As time passes energy moves in waves while life lessons twist and turn. There are so many questions and I want to know all the answers, I want true understanding of all that matters. I feel we are all connected, we share this amazing planet yet the human condition has such pervasive tendencies that distract us, confuse us and make us feel like crap when we least expect it.

Sometimes I can be my own worst critic, I beat myself up inside until tears seep out like blood from a place deep within that has been rubbed raw from the friction of my own thoughts. Why would I do such a thing when I should know better? Why is it such a challenge for us as humans to live from our hearts and stay in the moment? Why do we replay & regret the past? I want solutions and I want easy ways for everyone to figure these things out for ourselves. I want us all to live to our potential, to experience our own and each others awesomeness without all the pain and suffering that seems so common sometimes. I want to help build a better world, inside and out, above and below, this way and that way... but how?